Toxicology Report

Everyone has that pair of jeans in the back of the closet. You know the ones I'm talking about, you wore them in college and they made your booty look GOOOOOD! They were there on your first day of class, that spontaneous trip to Grand Bend and they were there that night at "The Drink" when you finally got the nerve to dance on the speakers. They hugged all the right places and felt just like a good friend. You know the jeans I speak of, and you know that:
1. you will NEVER fit into them again.
2. you only keep them around for nostalgic reasons.
3. everytime you try to put them on they make you feel old, fat and frumpy.
So you keep them in the back of the closet, refusing to part with them, but also keeping them out of sight to avoid the depression of not fitting into them.

They are emotional toxins.

Some people are like those jeans. They were there in college, they supported me on my first day of class, they were the co-pilots on that spontaneous trip to Grand Bend and they were there that night at The Drink to help me get down off of the speaker without falling on my face. Their friendships surrounded me like a warm blanket through lifes chills. I feel that warmth now only in memories, and I know in my heart that:
1. we will NEVER be that close again.
2. I only stay in touch with them for nostalgic reasons.
3. everytime I'm around them I feel emotionally drained, socially defeated and perpetually inferior.

So I keep their profiles on facebook, their phone numbers in my cell phone refusing to delete them but also keeping them at arms lengh to avoid the sense of loss that would acompany admitting the superficial reality of the friendship. They are emotional toxins.

Why do I do this to myself? Women in particular are always prone to dragging the dead weight of expired friendships. We have coffee dates, attend weddings, baby showers and the like. They subject themselves repeatedly to the the fake smiles, feigned interest and icy hugs that keep up the facade.

I spend so much time "decluttering" my cabinets, my closets, the toy boxes, and my car, yet I've remained surprisingly oblivious to the overflow of emotional and mental clutter in my life. There are people in my life who are just as toxic to my psyche and my wellbeing as those impossibly skinny jeans! Their judgements and negativity are like emotional equivelents to the muffin top created by those jeans. Their company elicits and invigorates feel good memories of days gone by, while simultaneously draining and demoralizing my self worth. They so poison my emotional stability and invade my comfort level that they should have "hazardous" written on their forehead, but still I entertain them time after time, hoping with every new invitation for a coffee date that "THIS TIME" will be different.

It's never different, just like the jeans, it's never a good fit. Ever.

Spring is just around the corner, and I definately think it's time for spring cleaning, both inside and out. Sometimes you just have to admit to yourself that things have changed, and sometimes the hardest part is accepting that change is necessary.