“That kid…”

 

IMAGINE: watching three television sets all tuned to the same channel, and listening to the stereo system at max volume, while trying to run around a racetrack with frequent loss of muscle control at the same time as you attempt to carry on a conversation and solve a complicated math equation.  This is the mind of my 7 year old.  The expected chaos, a perfect representation of my life for the last 7 years.  I am the parent of ``THAT kid``.  Thank you for not judging.

My daughter recently went to her first sleep over, while most parents feel a little pang of anxiety with the arrival of this milestone, what I experienced was more kin to a full on panic attack. I knew she would love it, I knew she would not miss me or call me at 3am to pick her up – but would the other mom “get it”?  Would she accept my kid, known by the ever decreasing number of people who don’t have one in their own families as “THAT” kid.

We all know “THAT” kid.  We are most likely guilty of looking down our noses at him or her and saying ,” if that were MY kid, he wouldn’t be THAT kid”.  As it turned out, the sleepover was being hosted by a mother who not only got it and accepted it, but was also very adept at handling my child because wouldn’t you know it, she has a THAT kid too! 

I was relieved, both for my daughter and myself, because for once we would not be judged, or gawked at or misunderstood and if I’m being completely honest, misery loves company and it felt so good not to be alone.  Since then, this mom and I have spoken several times. Admittedly,  we’re both a little neurotic, the loud swish of our helicopter blades drown out the rushed, emotionally charged banter about being our children’s advocates, wanting what’s best for them, while repeating the mantra; “they really ARE really great kids”.  The beauty of having a conversation with a fellow parent of “THAT kid” is that we completely understand the frustrated and desperate undertones behind that statement.  Please please please accept my kid for who they are, please please please don’t judge my parenting and please above all else, don’t judge my personal feelings on the matter. The beauty is that we are not judged, even when we follow up that statement with the familiar pause that says, “…but GOD I want to strangle her sometimes!” 

So who IS that kid?  You can’t miss them – much to their parents dismay their arrival is seldom low key. They are the kids who runs while everyone else walks, scream while everything is silent, fidget while everything is still and dance while everyone is sitting.  They are the child who has a melt down when their socks don`t fit JUST right, they crumble when their routine is off and GOD FORBID, they get a scrape because they will demand to see a doctor!  Nope, you can`t miss them, their departures are much like their arrival.

It’s so easy then, to judge these behaviours as obvious parenting flaws.  After all, we can`t hold the child accountable, so naturally we blame the parents.  It makes absolute sense to do so, but it`s not fair and frankly it makes an already strained existence that much more unbearable. Behind every label `THAT kid is wearing, whether it`s ADD, ADHD, OCD, AUTISM, TOURETTES and everything else in between there is a parent on the verge of an emotional breakdown.  Behind the label, and often standing between the daggers, and dirty looks directed at the labeled child is a parent who sacrifices, advocates, worries, and fights an uphill battle for their child every single day.  Behind the scenes, far away from the judgements of those who don`t know, or simply don`t care  there is a parent who is lonely because they avoid social situations, depressed because they have no outlet, frustrated because they have no help, confused by the ever fluctuating joy and frustration that comes with parenting THAT kid.  These parents (me included) are often overwhelmed by the parallel adoration they feel for their child while wanting nothing more than a break from them, mostly however these parents are desperate for someone ANYONE to simply reach out and agree with them – THAT kid, really IS a really great kid!

…  something to remember the next time you stand in line behind the tantruming toddler and their frazzled parent.